Waking Up


I’ve been watching David Icke videos and exploring the fascinating links and articles on his website to other free media, genuinely investigative journalists speaking about what’s actually going on behind the mainstream screen of brainwashing media.

Its made me realize though quite how brainwashed people are and recognize the same mechanisms of denial people use to deny the animals that they use to deny anything out of the ordinary, outside the box of what they’ve been taught to believe.

David Icke is famous in UK for being a TV presenter who in the early 90’s went a bit nuts….at least, that was the public opinion of him. He was so seen as crazy for the things he was saying that as he describes in this interview below, he couldn’t walk down the street or go in a bar without literally everyone laughing at him and hurling abuse for years afterwards. His name was synonymous with crazy for a long time in the minds of many people in UK.

Yet all he’d done was go on public television on a popular talk show and begin sharing about the Spiritual awakening he was having. He was beginning to wake up to the way we are being intentionally controlled, our consciousness entrained, literally mind controlled by those who seek to have power over the masses, who have control of the mainstream media and our education system and have implemented ideas about who and what we are which are very limited. They’ve deliberately induced a state of consciousness centered on obeying authority, compliance, consumption, apathy, more consumption.

Its more than twenty years later now and much of what David Icke said back then has turned out to be true, more and more people are waking up spiritually and seeing the evil elite who have this agenda of control and power, who are war mongering their way around the world and gradually establishing right before our eyes – if we let them – an Orwellian police state.

But the ironic thing is that even people in the free media and truth movement even David Icke who has lots of the pieces of the puzzle in place who see we are programmed to be disconnected from Spirit and our true selves… do not see that the programming is in our food. The killing of other species is the very way we are disconnected from our hearts and Spirit and is the root source of living in this heartless mindless mode of apathetic consumption, unconsciously complicit with the system of violent exploitation.

Its so odd and surreal the way these truth movement gurus, or those who claim to care about the environment, or even people who run cat and dog rescue shelters who claim to be animal lovers, or the spiritual movement who claim to be exploring ‘consciousness’ and the therapy movement who claim to care…. are unwilling or perhaps unable to see their own violence to animals and destruction of the earth the complete lack of care or consciousness in their daily horrific abuse of other species.

I feel quite hopeful though. These people were not even awake in the ways they are awake twenty years ago… so many people have started to care, to want to be conscious, to be environmentally concerned and kind to animals.

SURELY… they’ll see the glaring hypocrisy of their not being vegan…soon.

What David Icke and the other truth movement journalists have to say is so important though. Its fascinating to see what is truly going on behind mainstream media and what we’ve been told to believe is reality and is as important a clue and piece of the puzzle for vegans to see as veganism is for the truth movement to see.

I feel sure we all just need to wake to one another’s pieces of the puzzle and it will all fall into place and this nightmare on earth end once and for all as we all wake up and stop living in alignment with the evil power and control agenda.




A most dearly beloved cat friend died recently and it so broke my heart that it brought me back to my heart. For a short time the overwhelming pain and grief of this personal loss radically altered my state of consciousness. He was all that mattered. I wanted to go with him, wanted to give up this body and travel with him into Spirit so much. His sudden, so complete absence, the loss of his presence is like the sun has gone out in my world.

His death brought me into my heart into a place where all the anger at people went away and I didn’t want to leave that place of love, fall into anger and outrage again with people. Surely that’s not right, surely all people are just staving off emotional pain and that is why they aren’t conscious, why they won’t open up and care about animals, its too painful for them. As I was in so much pain it suddenly seemed to throw a light on the fact that life is pain, most of the time, and how much pain we can bear seems to define how conscious we are. I realized I’d lost all faith in people’s essential goodness and innocence, that we are all doing our best in a painful world. All feeling as much as we can, being as conscious as we can of the suffering we might cause others or the damage we might do in this world.

But its really hard, to stay in that heart place and continue to believe that about people. The surface they show is so cold, so callous, so completely devoid of caring that its hard to imagine its just a front, protecting a person who cares more than they can even dare feel underneath.

Today my shopping bags arrived from The Vegan Society, bright shocking luminous dayglo colors, one pink, one orange, with the word and symbol ‘The Vegan Society’ on the side in big letters.

Just in case the person in front of me who was buying a steak pie didn’t see the bag, I draped it pointedly over my shopping. She at least, had the decency to look guilty, then asked in a small voice for… ‘… er … just one of the small sandwich bags’. So she registered for a moment that someone had pointed out she normally couldn’t care less about the animals choking on plastic bags in the ocean or the earth being destroyed… as well, I hope, as reflects for a moment about the cow she just paid to have tortured and killed for her pleasure comfort and convenience.

But the woman behind me when it came her turn, when the assistant asked her would she like a carrier bag…(as all assistants have been told to ask…to point out to the couldn’t give a fuck public that they are in fact, choosing to destroy the world with every damned bag they use) ….still, true to human form, the woman behind me said loudly, confidently and clearly. ‘Yes please.’

In her tone was such entitlement. ‘I’m entitled!’ She seemed to say. I shall say yes to a plastic carrier bag in every shop and never bring my own reusable ones….. I shall fill my bags with all the tortured animals I like… I’m entitled.’

Its that sense of arrogant entitlement humans have which seems so cold, so callous. and truly, the root of all evil.

Yes you have the most physical power in this world and as you are the most dominant you can choose to be as mean as you like. Legally, in this sick cruel world of violent exploitation, you have the right to torture and kill and destroy as much as you like.

But morally, nobody has any right to inflict totally unnecessary suffering and death for their own personal gain. Morally any truly caring soul surely knows life isn’t some joyride here just for us, to see all other life and the planet itself as just commodities we can use and destroy with no thought to the suffering and destruction we cause.

I just don’t buy it… this ‘normal’ careless attitude. Its not normal. Its the cruelest we could possibly be and we may not be able to stop people, but we can always, everyday, in as many ways as we can, point to the cruelty, bring it to their awareness, speak, carry, wear the voice of the animals, who themselves are so locked up in darkness their voice is never heard.


For bags and clothing with the Vegan Society logo ;




My darling Binksy, has gone to heaven.  We’re all so sad.  

His purr is gone.  I keep wandering around the flat in a daze, doing things to take my mind off it, then a moment later it hits me again…and again and again… he’s gone.  All the love I felt for his physical presence is one big gaping hole, spiritually his memory is inside me and I will always feel him in my heart, but physically… he’s so gone.  

I just lay down on the bed where his body would usually lay next to mine and the silence made me realize he purred nearly all the time he was close.  He’d sleep quietly sometimes of course, but when I realized his purr was gone, it feels like he purred constantly.  None of the other cats do that.  But Binksy was like the sun in a cat, one big warm ever shining purr. He wasn’t purring this morning when he was ill, but just before we went to the vet, in his last half hour of life, he mustered up this faint purr for a whole half hour.  

People look down on animals as if they are somehow less intelligent, but the intelligence, the conscious awareness in Binksy’s eyes was way more intensely present and aware than humans.  All cats are.  They may not speak our language but they know what’s going on inside us, they can feel US beyond all the thinking and ideas, the deepest soul us and they respond, they talk, with their eyes, their actions, their quietly emanating presence and subtle ways.  They understand, accept, comfort with their beingness.  Whilst they cannot smile they have the funniest sense of humor which they manage to communicate whenever it seems I’m sharp enough to ‘get it’.  Cats and all animals, when you listen to their soul, see and feel their souls, are far more advanced spiritually than human souls.  

Our intellect seems to have deadened our soul.  Our capacity for thinking has rendered us spiritually stupid.  Animals can help us find our way back to our souls.  At least that is what they teach me.  As i let go of my dumb arrogance and begin to tune into higher spiritual faculties like empathy compassion and intuition in order to feel and see their soul, that’s what all animals teach me more everyday.  They literally wake us up.  If we choose to open our hearts and let them.  

I always feel as though I’m trying to enter fully into the moment in full awareness to catch up with an animal’s consciousness.  Its like I have to continually bring myself back from this silly racing thoughts through my head state, to bring myself into the moment, be still and open and then I can begin to glimpse their incredible souls.  

Its just so different now he’s gone.  I’ve forced myself to will his soul to fly free and not be tethered by my sadness and loss, and reminded myself to be happy for him to be in a better place and to be glad he’d left this old aching body behind.  His body just slowly wore out.  He had a heart condition underlying the symptoms which showed today, he’d not looked well but been eating and purring well enough.  Just the last few weeks I kept thinking maybe I should take him to the vet.  But kind of knew the day would come where he would not eat and show some sign of unwellness, then it would be time.  I just knew he was going soon.  I sensed it and he sensed it and for months we’ve been spiritually and physically hugging each other so close.  My soul was always saying quietly… ‘Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou…’ So grateful for his presence.  But it was only just now when I noticed his purr was ever present, that it dawned on me that he had been purring his gratitude back to me too.

Every single animal soul in this world so precious.  How odd that people can feel this for their pets and yet when you tell them about the horror chambers of the animals abused for food they feel nothing.  Odd how people can sympathize when you lose a pet, and they show and feel real care and concern…they see your pain about the loss of your pet.  But if you show pain for any other animal in captivity who is actually being tortured…they show no sign of sympathy for my grief for them. 

 Is it a trance of normal…as someone said recently… I suddenly wonder.  Yes, maybe it really is an actual hypnotic trance people are in.  But they don’t look hypnotized when you ask them about those animals, they look shifty, guilty, become belligerent and defensive.  Not signs of someone in a hypnotic trance.





I’m sitting here next to my oldest cat, Binksy, who is so very old and I woke up this morning to find him really not well. He’s looked more and more like soon it will be his time to leave this earth for awhile. Still eating and drinking ok, but just his eyes have grown larger in a body which has grown gaunt with age. Almost the whole time I’m awake or in the house, he sits on my knee or right by my leg with his head resting on my knee. Both of us have known these are our last months together and we’ve spent every moment giving each other as much love as we can.

Just last night I said to him how I’m so grateful, so honored to have been this close to him, to have had this precious closeness with his soul. As I sit here now, he’s been sick and had a diarrhea all over in the night, we’re waiting to go to the vets and he’s got this very shallow breathing and a deep heavy sigh every now and again, and his head does this funny little shudder thing. Just old. Just his time. I’ve given him some painkiller and squirted some water in his mouth. But I feel sure when we get to the vets they will recommend putting him to sleep as the kindest thing.

Seems insane to me right now that we do not allow for voluntary euthanasia in humans when they are very sick, obviously dying and in a lot of pain. People say its because it could be abused, like ruthless people could kill their rich relatives off a bit early or whatever. But how ridiculous, if you consider that for a moment. A doctor would have to confirm they were truly inevitably dying anyway … and you could even set it up so 3 doctors signatures were necessary or whatever… certifying that yes, this person is very ill and if they themselves choose to die to avoid the final terrible pain of life… why shouldn’t they be allowed to? Totally insane. I read somewhere that we live in a culture obsessively in denial about death, where the entire focus of the medical profession is to keep everyone alive at whatever cost to them. I know one man for instance, an acquaintance, who had some kind of illness where he went into a coma 5 years ago…and he’s still there, in that coma, years later….being drip fed by machines. Crazy!

But as I sit here next to my beloved, remembering how we met, all the last five years we spent together, how precious Binksy’s soul is, how wise, sensitive and amazing he is… I think that every single soul of every animal, every calf, cow, chick, hen, lamb, sheep, goat, pig… all of them, every single one of them, in the factory farm hell or slaughterhouse brutally slain, and tortured first if they dare fight back and slow down the kill line, in the vivisection nightmare laboratories we inflict on them….every single soul is as precious and sacred as unique a personality and being as any human child has ever been.

For anyone to deny that… ok we didn’t know…but to continue to deny that to gorge on their flesh, to support industries run by psychopaths, to steal and kill their babies so we can steal their babies milk… is as evil as anything evil ever happened on this earth before.

And come to think of it, a species who are insane enough to do that, deserve to have a culture where, when they themselves are really ill, dying and in pain, nobody is allowed to let them die peacefully via euthanasia.

A species who could do that deserve to die in some measure of the pain and suffering they spent their whole lives inflicting onto others.



I just don’t understand the blankness in their heart and in their eyes.  I really don’t get it.  I was vain, insecure, insensitive, self absorbed when I was young. I didn’t get subtleties.  I was thoughtless and inconsiderate.  But I just cannot pin down any time in my memory when someone came up to me and described any kind of suffering I was responsible for, let alone torture, mutilation, murder and destruction of all life itself…which I just responded to with a dead eyed, dead hearted, totally unconscious or dismissive defensive kind of way.  Where I would have felt and cared NOTHING for the suffering I was now aware I was causing.

I mean… are they the walking dead?

How come?

Its just totally bloody surreal.

You know when you tell someone something which is fairly complex, possibly a bit obscure to the unexperienced or unreflective people in life, something about human behavior, your personal experience or observations of someone else’s character or whatever… I get it… that it goes over some people’s heads.

If I started talking about advanced math to someone who had only a basic understanding of math.

Or began speaking in another language perhaps.

I get it that they would look blankly and respond like a brick wall.

But when you say to someone as I did today, someone who is an intelligent person who speaks the same language as you that that you are personally suffering so much because of the unthinkable cruelty you’ve seen, the limbs cut off, the babies stolen and put in boxes, the terrible violent beatings and abuse.  How upset you are that you see all this and know its destroying the whole world too… but that people just don’t care.

And they look at you just blankly… kind of like they are asleep, or dead… as if the only possible thing they can do in this bizarre state of unconsciousness is smile politely, appear to be listening, but really feel NOTHING AT ALL.  They may even sometimes acknowledge you, sympathetically, but just carry on as if what you said meant NOTHING to them.  The animals, the starving people, the dying earth is just NOTHING.

Its so surreal.  Its like everywhere I go I see the billions of tortured animals right there, the billion starving humans and the earth dying.  There they are right there happening as all these people carry on completely oblivious, talking about their lives their plans their relationships as if these things just do not exist.

Its the most insane totally twilight zone fucked up crazy interaction with someone you thought was human…but now you begin to question.  Are they wearing a mask?  Are they actually a living breathing being?  Perhaps this is all just some kind of nightmare where the people who look human are really aliens in human form come to destroy the world whilst pretending they don’t know a thing about it.  Perhaps someone stole all the humans and just left zombies who look like humans in their place.

At least the belligerent defensive callous ones acknowledge what you are saying.. if only to say ‘fuck you and fuck the tortured animals… I’ll torture who I like and destroy the world if I want’.  But those who either look blankly at you and wait till you finish speaking, or worse, show some kind of sympathy.. but carry right on with the torture and destruction are truly the most vacant or unfathomably disingenuous people I ever did meet.

To Feel Or Not To Feel


Facing reality with your heart open I cannot believe has ever been so hard in the history of this planet.  To be awake from speciesism in a speciesist world.  To have the internet giving us all the information and images… to know of the hundreds of billions of animals suffering in these torture chambers, to know the whole ecosystem is being decimated… to see all this with fully felt consciousness… is excruciating.

I just turned on the computer and saw this beautiful clip of rainforest, filled with life, so peaceful hearing that incredible sound of no traffic, no humans, just birds, insects, monkeys, seeing their beauty, their innocence feeling full of wonder, transported to the deepest part of myself, something so primal…home.

Then the image changed and I saw the human’s trucks move in to destroy all of it.

90% of deforestation, an acre per second of this…our home…is being burnt to the ground for the meat and dairy industries.

I know its hard to face this, but can the pain of being awake in a selfish cruel world POSSIBLY compare to what a cow is going through?  A  calf?  A chicken?  Tortured, mutilated, hyper confined, stolen from their mothers, ground up alive, hacked to pieces?

Can anything we could possibly feel, by choosing to live with an open heart, feeling about all this… compare to what its like to be one of the creatures whose home is being destroyed right this moment, burnt to the ground, with them in it?

We can change this, but we have to choose to care, to make the small adjustment to our daily lives of going without the taste of meat and dairy.  That’s it.  One by one, if we all make that choice, we can turn this around, stop the destruction, our planet can start to cool and heal… all the horrific suffering and abuse of other species… and one another…would end.  If we aren’t torturing and killing animals for pleasure anymore…see how that changes our treatment of other humans too.  People who choose to go vegan don’t choose to go to war.  Don’t choose to live their lives violently exploiting others for their own gain.

It all starts with each one of us going vegan.

Or it all ends because of every single one of us…who doesn’t.



Just reflecting on how hard it is to be conscious. I keep stopping smoking then falling back into it again. I think it helps to dull the pain. But stopping again this last few days has given me pause to reflect on the nature of consciousness and how we use things to distract us and to avoid facing reality.

 I’ve kind of always understood that, I used to be way less judgmental. As my own consciousness was flooded with all kinds of personal stuff this last few days it reminded me how our own personal wounds can block our awareness. When we experience abuse or just a painful loss or some other kind of experience which involved intense overwhelming feelings we couldn’t cope with at the time, as a coping mechanism our consciousness automatically blocks stuff out. Those experiences can only be digested over time, when our subconscious at various moments, delivers the suppressed memories or feelings for us to face sometimes years later when we’re strong enough to cope or ready to face them.  Or just when we stop numbing ourselves with whatever addictions or distractions we were using to block those feelings off.

People who have had really impactful trauma’s like the experience of war or physical violence and abuse can be affected for life really, it takes a lifetime to heal, if ever.

My point of saying all this is to consider the nature of consciousness and the mechanism of denial which occurs for everyone in various ways. All kinds of fears of facing things, about ourselves or others, which may or may not be true but the sheer prospect of them being true is deeply frightening, so frightening we automatically deny these potential threats. So I do understand why most people get so overwhelmed that they spend their lives watching TV to tune it out, or indulge in other addictive or distracting behaviors.

People’s workaholism, obsessive exercising or fanatical hobbies, their repetitive problematic relationship patterns, their entire personalities are affected by this unconsciously denied ‘stuff’. If they were to sit in a therapy room and begin to reflect and open up, over the years, out would come tumbling all this stuff which they could face and process and over time, their needs for distractions would lessen, their relationships become more honest and fulfilling, more intimate and their entire personality become transformed into a more conscious state.

All of us to a greater or lesser extent live in this great big mess of unconscious fear and denial which governs our lives until we sit down to reflect on it all and work through it.

But then there is the sort of denial which seems consciously chosen, the sort where someone who wants to violently exploit someone else, a rapist, a paedophile, a meat or dairy eater, will intentionally deny their victims lives and suffering to get what they want out of them…. that’s different.

It makes it more difficult when the violent exploitation is culturally sanctioned, normal and widely practiced. But still, in the days of human slavery or female emancipation, surely, once the injustice of violence and abuse and the alternatives were pointed out, the oppressors made a conscious choice whether to continue violently oppressing others for their own personal pleasure comfort or gain.

At that point, its not so much unconscious denial as a knowing what you’re doing but doing it anyway.

As someone said recently, its the difference between driving down the road and accidentally driving over an animal, or going down the road intentionally running them over for pleasure.