Porn

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Been thinking a lot about porn the last couple of days… more, I’ve been feeling about it. How poisonous and toxic it is to our minds, how utterly degrading to our sexuality, how completely ruined the minds of almost all boys and now girls are too over the age of 13. Some start as early as 10 with it. Its just what the young people watch now, what they think sex is.

Men are different too now, in the way they are sexually and in my experience the way they treat women, since this internet porn extravaganza appeared. It just suddenly struck me yesterday how tragic it is that young women these days won’t know what men were like before porn. I feel lucky to be born at a time when I can remember what men were like pre-porn.

When I was young men I’m sure fantasized about sex as much as they do now, but they used their imaginations, generally. May have had the odd picture to look at but mostly I didn’t know guys who used magazines that way. They had sex with real women or used their imaginations. But they weren’t so preoccupied with it, its like porn has turned sex into a commodity and an addiction. Which honestly, sorry guys, but its possible to feel that coming off you like an energy, and really, its a toxic, perverse… really Eeeew… feeling to pick up. It affects your aura, your attitude, your energy. Just does. It comes out in things you say, ways you joke, references you make that porn watchers are completely unaware they’re making. They’re just in ‘that’ headspace regarding sex. Once you’re not and you’ll pulled yourself out of it, its honestly as gross as listening to someone talk about their steak or burger. Listening to speciesism in action.

Last night I watched a movie which expressed really well how twisted many men’s sexuality has become, how impeded in their ability to relate some men are by this use of porn. The character in the movie was a pretty damaged soul anyway but his extreme example was only a characterized version of the fix many men are in with it.

Oh the outcry that will be felt that I dare to say porn is anymore than just ‘harmless fun’.

Yeah… like heroin is. Like meat and dairy is. Like take the most sacred act of life and turning it into the most base act of disgusting grossness imaginable, turning women into breasts cunts and asses and men and women into almost abusers. Because that’s what it gets like… that addiction. The girls have to be younger and younger, or the sex more and more twisted. How many orifices can you get a penis into at once.

I mean… its making my skin crawl to even write or think about it.

But this morning these thoughts dovetailed with the thoughts about how people are basically obedient slaves and how, as obedient slaves, the meaninglessness, emptiness and outright misery induced by feeling they have no free will, or never expressing who they really are, just fitting into the status quo… seems to increase their need for gorging on things they can have but know aren’t really good for them. Like porn and food and drugs and well… whatever makes them feel like they’re free, or momentarily distracted and comforted in this awful prison they find themselves in.

Because until not so long ago their lives were even more controlled in that religion dominated them to the point where they couldn’t have sex or children outside marriage, hell, they couldn’t swear or Blaspheme, take ‘the Lord’s’ name in vein. What a scam! Brainwash everyone to believe in an invisible Lord who has so many rules to live by they don’t even know who they are anymore. Just insanely brainwashed obedient slaves.

Now we are kind of freeing ourselves from that. We have more freedom, and I think this totally debauched, no holds barred, try anything we like, approach to sex, drugs and all out behaviors may be a kind of backlash to all that religious repression.

But as people do recover their own will, by choosing to live ethically from their hearts, in spite of what the people around them say. When they take their real power back, to refuse to participate in the culture of violence towards other species, refuse to live empty, purposeless, meaningless destructive lives of cruelty…just because everyone else does… just because its easiest… I hope that all areas of their lives will be lifted up a level. Particularly the area of sex. I’m honestly going to duck out of relationships for the rest of my life…or.. until I meet a man who can see how disgusting porn is and hasn’t used it for years.

I used it too, I went down every dark path I could find to travel down to see what was there. Probably find it hard to be more disgusting than I’ve been in my life. It took years before my sexuality began to right itself, my perspective change after stopping using porn. I don’t think it ever really will be in some ways put right in this lifetime. Damage is done.

Went to this tantra workshop a few years back and we did all kinds of exercises to awaken our senses, it was beautiful, not sexual at all, but about coming into the body into greater awareness of all your senses in the moment, being more in the heart, more open, or doing exercises which showed us where our blocks to intimacy with others were, how frightening that can be. Because all this fucking and sucking… is not intimacy, its the opposite of intimacy, often is used to avoid intimacy whilst in a twisted way seeking it.

There was this one exercise of raising awareness of the sense of ‘touch’ which I partnered up with a woman to do. I’m glad because I felt more comfortable that we were the odd women out as everyone else partnered up in opposite sex couples. But with her it just felt so safe. We took turns, the exercise was for one of us to lay down and the other to sit at the top of our head and just gently stroke the other’s forehead in this backwards repetitive motion, one hand following on from another. It was over our third eye area and very hypnotic. In the ten minutes or so she did this I just went to this deep deep place. The gentle simplicity of this touch, the kindness in it, the lack of seeking for personal gain, the safety and surrender I felt suddenly made me feel as innocent as a child and yet it felt like I carried in my aura and memory all my sexual experiences or experiences of touch as an adult and so much of them were just disgusting and toxic and troubled and abusive actually… in a totally normalized way. Like we don’t even know how disgusting and depraved we’ve become. I felt all this as she stroked my head as if healing water were being poured, a healing touch came to show me how toxic touch had been all the memories accumulated in my body of that.

Juxtaposing this wounded degraded and distorted toxic sexuality with the insanity of torturing and killing animals for pleasure, all of this done as if its as normal as breathing, its like nobody can see quite how grotesque a species we’ve become.

In so many ways, how far from a state of grace and the sacred we’ve gone into not only the profane but as violently abusive and utterly without sensitivity or respect we possibly could.

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